Welcome to Beer of the Week, where every week we drink a different microbrew and tell you why it’s awesome. Last season, this weekly mission dropped off when its creator, Kevin Luby, sadly perished in a drunk-unicycling accident. Ok, he’s still alive, but he quit the mag cold-turkey and started working for The Man. Not really. Sorry, I keep lying (lol). But we’re bringing it back, and this time, it’s the ladies’ edition. Oh yeah. Our very own editor in chief, Kim “The Mouth” Beekman and I, Leslie Hittmeier, will totally tell you what to drink this weekend while you sit on the tailgate of your Toyota Tacoma after a long day of touring in the hills.
Photo Credit: Julie Ellison
This week we’re drinking Bozone beer, specifically the Hopzone IPA and the seasonal Harvestfest Lager, hailing from Bozeman, Montana. Yeah, you know it! We also may have sampled the Amber Ale, The Plum St. Porter, and the Watershed Pale. I know what you’re thinking, that’s a lot of alcohol, but we can handle it (obviously). The beers are…good. Delicious, actually. Kim said the IPA tastes like beer. It’s hoppy, and it’s Indian style, so, there’s that. I had the Harvestfest Lager, which also tastes like beer and is supposed to be good with spicy chicken, but I didn’t have any chicken so I can’t really confirm.
It’s October. And since we still can’t go skiing, there’s nothing to do but get dressed up in our favorite dresses to go out on the town with tha’ bitches. Counting down the days until we can go skiing and stop feeling like worthless hoe-bags…
Bozone Brewery rating: Stiff
Photo Credit: Julie Ellison
What happens in early season when the bar’s not open yet and there’s only one beer? Cat fight. Because we all know sharing sucks.
This week we reviewed Cold Smoke Scotch Ale, which comes from Missoula, Montana. I know we reviewed a Montana beer last week, but get used to it because that’s where I’m from and the beer is just better there. What?! Come at me, bro. Coldsmoke is a dark smooth ale with a slightly sweet coffee finish. I plagiarized that sentence from their website, but only because it’s true. Shhh, I’m still learning. But seriously, it’s as smooth as Patrick Swayze doing The Lift, if you know what I mean. I don’t even like Scotch ales (I’m all about those #WineCoolers) but I love this one. As for Kim’s review, she said it was good shit, and then went back to worrying about whether or not her helmet makes her look like a Storm Trooper.
Cold Smoke Scotch Ale rating: frictionless
Photo Credit: The token male, Paddy O’Connell
“Look at me, I’m Marcus Caston, I’m really good at skiing. I’m just gonna chug this beer while these chicks pet my dogs.” Ok, fine. He didn’t really say that. But he did bring two super-cute, ultra cuddly chocolate labs to try to court us with. (Ok, ok, perhaps his intentions were different). But he did come by the office to say hi, and we made him do Beer of the Week with us.
This week, we tasted (chugged) Avery Brewing’s Ellie’s Brown Ale. Have you ever tried to chug a Brown Ale? It’s the worst. Don’t. Seriously, don’t. Seriously. Don’t. Kim puked (no she didn’t).
Ellie’s Brown Ale is really delicious. And the can has a picture of chocolate lab on it that is totes adorbs. Cause ya’ll should know by know, I wouldn’t be drinking this beer shit if it wasn’t free (wine coolers for LYFE). It’s sweet and chocolaty (go figure) but still easy to drink and doesn’t feel heavy. Perf winter brew after a day of skiing.
Ellie’s Brown Ale Rating: nutty
Photo Credit: Keri Bascetta
Who Wore It Best?
We took a poll, and it turns out, neither of us did. Everyone said we should just take it off. Either our office is full of pervs, or we just can’t pull off Armada because we don’t jib every downed log in sight. Thanks, assholes. This picture is actually embarrassing because, I mean, look at us. This is exactly why neither of our modeling careers took off. Thank Ullr for skiing, or else we’d be homeless and generally unemployable.
Anyways, Kim and I ran into each other at the parking lot of a local backcountry hill and she had a six-pack of Upslope India Pale Ale. So obviously we had to do a BOTW!!! I actually really love Upslope Beer. I usually go for their Craft Lager but the India Pale Ale is also delicious, just, ya know, in a different way. It’s bitter, but not in a gross way. And when you take a sip you’re like, “Damn! That’s bold. I wish I had some pizza to go with this.” Know what I’m sayin’?!
After we drank it, we drank two more then had a peeing contest in a snow bank.
India Pale Ale rating: Hydrating
Photo Credit: Julie Ellison
Apologies, dear readers. Your regular BOTW bitch, Leslie, has employed me as her substitute this week. She’s busy, you see, using her fresh young knees to run up Jones Pass and ski pow today, while I sit here packed in ice and elevating mine. It’s not helping. The beer seems to be, though. I drank Park City’s Breaking Trail Pale Ale in the shower because why wouldn’t I? It has a picture of someone skinning on it. Which is, of course, what that tramp Leslie is doing today. The beer is good, though I’d prefer it to have a higher alcohol content (stupid Utah). It’s malty rather than hoppy, which I personally like, though IPA fans probably won’t. I’m going to try the Hooker Blonde Ale next because, well, its name reminds me of Leslie. And her blonde is natural. What a slut. I might also turn on “The Girlfriends’ Guide to Divorce.” Because I may be middle-aged, swollen, and badly in need of a hair highlight, but at least I own a television.
Park City IPA rating: tasty and sessionable
Happy (EXPLATIVE) Christmas. Happy Winter Solstice, Hanukkah, and Day of the Return of the Wandering Goddess. Whatever you celebrate, I hope it’s happy. But any-who, it’s the holiday break for most people, so you probably need a drink. I suggest giving Deschutes Brewery’s Jubelale a try. If that sounds like something that’s doable for you, I just have one question: Do you like chicory? If not, I can’t promise this beer will taste good to you. I also truly believe that having your boss pour it down your throat while sharing the same onesie will make it taste better. No, I don’t think it’s weird but thanks for asking. I really like the label on this beer. And I like it every year, damnit. So freaking festive. It also tastes like winter and has hints of toffee and dried fruit. It’s 6.7 percent alcohol so Kim liked it, although she prefers 8 percent or higher— because she likes to party. It’s bold, and finishes with a swift kick. It might go well with a scone or perhaps some crockpot chili, but I don’t know. I’m going to go open presents now because that’s what Christmas is all about. AmIright?!?
Jubelale rating: Winterized
I don’t remember much about Oskar Blues IPA, but I do remember I liked it and it tasted good with the gummy bears, aged cheddar, and grapes I was eating. And it wasn’t too IPA-y if you know what I mean. Sometimes I feel like IPAs are trying too hard to be cool. Oskar Blues Brewery claims to have the first original craft brew in a can, but I thought Coors had that in the bag years ago—depends on how you define craft beer I suppose. Anywho, photo credit for this photo goes to Kevin Luby’s friend…thanks. And as you can see, Kevin is working hard fitting our new ski boots while Kim and I drink beer and eat cheese off his back. Thanks for the boots, Kevin!