Get A Life

Unsolicited advice for guys in ski towns.

Let’s be honest, ski towns come with an inherent draw back: a massively unbalanced guy-to-girl ratio. Just think about the awkward man-filled hot tub, the après-ski sausage party, or the elusive group of girls defensively maneuvering through town like a Special Forces Operational Detachment might move through Mogadishu. So here’s some unsolicited advice on how to avoid being the town schmuck.

  1. Above all else, your life is easier if you can ski. And while we’re on that point, let your skiing do the talking; there’s nothing more pathetic than a bragger except a bragger who can’t back it up. Lots of people like dogs. Not a lot of people like dogs sleeping in your bed.Living in a car is not OK. Sure, it may be necessary given the economy or be part of a romanticized effort at achieving a heightened state of dirt-bagness. Regardless, it won’t win over any women. If it does, run. And, if you insist on sleeping in your truck, at least get one of those two-person sleeping bags. It’s great if you’re a badass on two planks, but depth helps. A lot. Read books, have passionate interests, check the news on occasion, know what antidisestablishmentarianism means. In short, talk about something other than the time your bro skied Corbet’s switch while chugging a 40 of Mickeys. Don’t spend all, most, or even a portion of your income that can be expressed in a simple fraction on pot. Really.
  2. Stop, at all costs, playing X-Box, World of Warcraft, or any other activity that requires you to take on an alter ego with magical powers. The only exception is Halloween, when it’s OK to dress up as Shia LeBeouf and tell people you can fly.
  3. Avoid words like ‘stomp,’ ‘huck,’ and ‘gnar’ whenever possible.
  4. Just because you love PBR doesn’t mean that she does.
  5. How many other dudes are sporting a hat with a flat brim, a baggy t-shirt with a Dakine, Analog, or DC logo, and untied Etnies kicks? Differentiation is key for species to survive high levels of competition. (Thanks, 8th grade science class.)