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1. SPRING BACK TO VAIL
(VAIL, CO: APRIL 3-16)
Last year, the Doggfather of hip-hop – that’s Snoop Dogg to you – performed for some 12,000 fans in Vail’s Ford Park. This year’s closing-day act hadn’t been announced as of press time, but event organizers promise a party just as bumpin’. Hit the bars on Bridge Street-Vendetta’s, Los Amigos, The Red Lion-early, as Coors-swilling Denverites pack them wall-to-wall by noon. Or hit the slopes, ski corn, and check out the (unofficial) World Pond Skimming Championships, held each year at the base of Golden Peak. springbacktovail.com
2. TRAM DAYS
(JACKSON HOLE, WY: MARCH 24-APRIL 2)
To properly mourn the passing of Jackson Hole’s 40-year-old Aerial Tram, the resort is staging a finale that goes beyond the usual drunken snowball fights and bros peeing in snowbanks. The last 10 days of the season will include a randonnée rally, a concert featuring national acts, and at least an extra 30 minutes of tram time each afternoon. So grab a Snake River brew and pay your respects. jacksonhole.com
3. SLUSH CUP
(SUNSHINE VILLAGE, AB: MAY 22)
Originally a staff-only event 70-odd years ago, Sunshine’s pond-skimming competition (rumored to be the continent’s oldest) draws up to 5,000 spectators every year. And why not? Categories include “Best Hula Costume” and – yuck! – “Excellent Enema” (the supreme ass-first landing). Contestants strip as they ski, and the Molson-sponsored beer garden overflows with drooling Canucks. Wanna compete? Get up early: First come, first served registration for the 60 spots begins at 8:30 A.M. – and there’s always a line. skibanff.com
4. BEACH PARTY
(JAY PEAK, VT: MARCH 25)
Want proof that white men can’t dance? Check out the International Room in Jay Peak’s base lodge during this annual boozefest, featuring DJs from Boston’s WBCN. Wobbling honkies attempt the hustle under palm-tree lanterns while women toss back Alabama Slammers in preparation for bikini and best-legs contests. Do yourself a favor and get a room at the so-close-you-can-find-it-even-when-you’re-dressed-in-a-grass-skirt Hotel Jay. jaypeakresort.com
5. KIRKWOOD CLOSING DAY
(KIRKWOOD, CA: APRIL 30)
While San Franciscans sunbathe around South Lake pools, locals head to Kirkwood for one more day of corn. Patrollers line up along the resort’s horseshoe-shaped ridgeline and ignite (in sequence, no less) leftover dynamite in a Fourth-of-July-worthy sendoff. Below, hundreds of tailgating locals fire up barbecues, blenders, propane stoves, and portable deep fryers in parking lots 5 and 6, while tank-top-wearing new-schoolers compete in the Cone Zone Rail Jam in the DC Stomping Grounds park. kirkwood.com.