Hold on there, pardner. Kentucky Fried Chicken founder Harland Sanders didn't just declare himself a "Colonel in some finger-lickin' moment by the deep fryer. In fact, Kentucky Governor Ruby Laffoon—yes, Laffoon—made Sanders a Colonel in 1935, in recognition of his delightfully crispy, moist-on-the-inside poultry products. As for Flake's prefix, it's a far cry from "honorary, as you so glibly suggest. C'mon! Some trifling college awarded even Mike Tyson an honorary doctorate, and Tyson doesn't know squat about skiing. (Similarly, the Doctor has no palate for the sweaty cauliflower ears of God-fearing heavyweight champions.) Perhaps, then, Dr. Flake is a legitimate man of medicine who achieved his title through serious academic pursuits, like online med school and reruns of M*A*S*H*. But a man of Flake's stature shouldn't brag. If you must, visit MyGoodDoctor.com, a resource for those too "embarrassed or intimidated to ask a doctor directly about his or her credentials, and which highlights "disciplinary action taken against particular physicians. Then look for me in New Jersey—where a law prohibits patients from suing doctors over "fraudulent misrepresentation.