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Don't Come-a-Knockin'

Cold Front

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Last July, the town of Lake Louise announced a proposal to build a six-mile electric fence around its perimeter as a way to keep grizzly bears at bay. (A similar fence recently went up around Lake Louise resort.) We think it’s a great idea: Stateside ski areas could benefit from such measures. Below, some suggestions for future barriers.

The Resort:

Keystone, Colorado

The Barrier:

A moat filled with warm, soapy water.

To Guard Against:

Smelly credit-card hippies from Boulder who missed the exit for A-Basin.

The Resort:

Hunter Mountain, New York

The Barrier:

A wall of giant televisions broadcasting Yankees highlights 24/7.

To Guard Against:

Red Sox Nation.

The Resort:

Yellowstone Club, Montana

The Barrier:

Cardboard cutouts of Bill O’Reilly and Rush Limbaugh.

To Guard Against:

Ted Turner.

The Resort:

Deer Valley, Utah

The Barrier:

A giant dome that covers the resort at the push of a button.

To Guard Against:

Snowfall-because the filthy rich are entitled to sunny weather.

The Resort:

Taos Ski Valley, New Mexico

The Barrier:

An ancient family mandate.

To Guard Against:

Snowboarders. Wait-that one already exists.