The 9 Types of Ski Dreams

We all have ‘em. And if you haven’t woken up in a panic after having a fitful ski dream, well, then, are you really a skier? And so the question isn’t really about the frequency of the ski dream, it’s the content, and what that says about your, in our amateur psychoanalytic opinion, fairly predictable and troubled id. Let us help you decode your life.

Dream 1: You ski up to your friends at the bottom of a long run and they’re all staring at you and laughing. You look down and realize that not only are you naked, but your proportions are waaaay off.

Analysis: You’re holding back, afraid to show your true self. First, give yourself a big hug. You are perfect the way you are! And next time it’s a ski naked day, try to recruit some friends.

Dream 2: You took a long, tumbling fall. You found your goggles and your mittens, but you cannot find one of your skis. You look everywhere. You retrace your fall, sweep beneath the snow in concentric circles. Nada. You have nothing.

Analysis: You’re a searcher. You can look far and wide, but happiness lies within, friend. Do you really need two skis? Also, you should probably always ski with those bright orange powder cords.

Dream 3: It’s a powder day. You ate an Oreo for breakfast so you could get to the hill for a reasonable approximation of first chair. But you open the back of the truck and all you can find are your snowblades. You look around to see if anyone noticed what you’re holding in your hands.

Analysis: Just do you. Don’t be afraid to let your freak flag fly.

Dream 4: You dream that you showed up at the hill on a powder day with two left-footed ski boots. You tried your best to ski in them, but you had a hard time keeping up with your friends and now you are alone and seemingly lost.

Analysis: Your father is a lefty. He wanted you to be a doctor. He never really understood the inherent value of serving 1 percenters at the Chalet. You’re still trying to make him proud anyway. You should call your Dad.

Dream 5: Biggest storm of the season. You get to the front of the line and pull out your pass. Unfortunately, it’s from 1998. The liftie turns you away.

Analysis: They say that 42 is the new 22, but also, aging—very normal! Unfortunately, though you can keep up with the young guns all day, you still feel very 42 every morning after you’ve gone pitcher for a pitcher with them at apres. Consider moving on to recreational drugs instead.

Dream 6: You send it off the biggest cliff around, and you just keep falling, and falling, and falling, and falling…

Analysis: The body never forgets. Eventually, there’s a landing. And it’s going to hurt, sister. Consider proactively taking some Tylenol.

Dream 7: You lean up against the rack of skis and knock them all over. As if that wasn’t bad enough, some of the carnage lands in the public fire pit and suddenly all the hand-chiseled ice sculptures melt and everything everywhere goes up in flames until all that is left are the charred remains of the ski town you used to know.

Analysis: Jeez man, try to relax. Then consider that your carbon footprint is way out of whack. Do your part to fight climate change and call your congresspeople ASAP.

Dream 8: A yeti with an eerie resemblance to your high school math teacher chases you all the way from the top of the mountain, to the base area, along Main Street, and back to your condo, where it waits outside, peering into your living room.

Analysis: You can’t outrun the past. Sooner or later, you’re going to have to pay that fine for urinating in public.

Dream 9: You see the patroller you’ve been crushing on all season in the lift line. But when you yell their name and turn around, their body is the same, but their face is your parent of the opposite sex.

Analysis: Please seek professional counseling.