9021-Snow?

In the wb network’s new series, the mountain, grandpa carver, founder-owner of Boundary ski resort (developed on land he won in a poker game), dies in an avalanche and leaves the ski hill to his offspring. Based loosely on Mammoth’s history, and scheduled to air September 22, The Mountain is entirely likely to flop, as TV pilots often do. But, as you’ll see from the characters and scenarios below, we’re already hooked. Well, we would be if we were writing the script.

The Rebel

David Carver Jr., the scruffy black sheep of the Carver family.

In Episode One David returns from a soul-searching period in Wyoming to find out Grandpa has left him the failing ski area, which he doesn’t want. the likely story Changes his mind and rights the cash-strapped resort. if we wrote the script In the final episode, David, by now a complete lush, would get pegged with snowballs thrown by a gang of Australian line cooks while waiting for a Greyhound to Anchorage.

The Brains

Will Carver, the business-minded older brother who’s jealous because Grandpa didn’t leave him squat.

In Episode One Will pushes David to the ground for giving out $30,000 in free lift tickets. the likely story Will’s jealousy escalates; he alternately punches and hugs his pain-in-the-ass little bro’. if we wrote the script Will would sell pot-scored from a telemarker he met at a coffeehouse in Bishop-to pay for lift improvements.

The Troubled Sister
Shelley Carver, cute snowboard chick; able to stick a Cork 360.
In Episode One Takes a hit to the head in terrain park; narrowly escapes date rape at the hands of a bad-boy ski-patroller. the likely story Realizes that her true love all along has been some goody-two-shoes childhood friend. if we wrote the script She’d have a series of one-night stands with the snowmaking crew before bolting for Jackson with my wallet. (Oh, wait, that’s my story.)

The Hottie
Maria Serrano, David’s ex-girlfriend; now dating brother Will.
In Episode One Gives David a sultry kiss on the cheek, but (gasp!) goes to the fundraiser dinner with Will. the likely story Drives plot-thickening wedge between the brothers; leaves Will for David. if we wrote the script The brothers would enter a Chinese Downhill, and the winner would get to date Sunny, er, Maria. (Wait a sec. That’s from Hot Dog.)

The Evil Corporation
The Dowling family, hell-bent on filling Boundary resort with timeshares.
In Episode One They promise that it’s not over when the Carvers tell them to take their Starbucks and shove it. the likely story The Dowlings bury the Carvers in a blizzard of legal and financial nightmares, but ultimately lose the fight. if we wrote the script The Dowlings would use the lodge to perform their best impression of David Koresh at Waco; the Carvers would assume the role of the Feds and topple the place with Bombardiers and Avalaunchers.